Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Interesting turn of events.

Not all for the better, I'd think.

See, my dad was getting outta the shower tonight, when he got a searing, stabbing pain from the back of his head, all the way to the front. Had me take him immediately to the hospital. They doped him up but good, but it wasn't doing anything for the pain (he was YELLOW with pain, that's how bad it was. He looked Jaundiced). So they CAT scanned'm.

Seems that the old saying "Burst a blood vessel" really DOES apply to my dad. XP Nothing deadly, at least not for a while; if he'd left this 'headache' for a few days, yeah, he might be toast. But we got it when it started, so he's in the hospital right now. Next in line to be operated on.

The Doc said it was LIKE an Aneurysm, only not. Called it a "Subdermal Arachnoidal Hematoma" or something like that. Tomorrow they do the radioactive dye test to see if the leaking blood is veinal, or arterial in nature. If it's veinal, they can take a bit more time, and there's the good possibility it'll just stop on its own; with the drugs they have him on, it could work. If it's a minor artery that's leaking, they'll have to open him up soon, and seal the damage before it can turn into an outright BURST.

So for anyone that was wondering where I was between 10 PM and 3 AM, when I'm usually online.. I was ferrying people to and from hospitals. XP

Pathetic thing is, if this all turns out badly, it'll be one of the worst things that could happen; My dad is in debt a lot, and should he die, that debt would fall on me and my mom. We'd end up selling the house, pretty much everything else, etc, just to live. XP And since I'm between jobs with no leads and no hits, I'm REALLY up the creek.

Sometimes life is so damned incon-vein-ient. Pardon the pun.

I seem to be the only one who's taking this in stride though; there's the possibility my dad might die under the knife, or sooner or something, and I put only a small bit of worry towards it. My mother and sister on the other hand were beside themselves. Same for his parents and his sis. I was the only one of us all that was calm and collected.

Predictably, my mom and sis were angry that I couldn't share their imagined grief, but the fact remains; he's in the care of professionals and specialists, who will do all they can to keep him from dying. I need not worry unless he suddenly needs organic matter from me, like a Kidney, or a hunk of liver, or a lung. THEN I will worry. But for now, he's in good care, so I need not worry.

Just wish they could see it that way.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Day Before Christmas...

... And in my room nothing stirred. Typical. Another wasted Xmas opportunity.... (opportunity, my ass.)

been reading Erich Von Daniken lately, so I'd like to just put a bit of a book of his here, that struck me, considering how much knowledge has been lost over the millennia, and how no one realizes it but a scant few.

"What became of the library of the temple at Jerusalem? What became of the library of Pergamon, which was supposed to have housed 200,000 works? When the Chinese Emperor Chi-Huang ordered the destruction of a mass of historical, astronomical, and philosophical books for political reasons in 214 BC, what treasures and secrets went with them? How many texts did the converted Paul cause to be destroyed at Ephesus? And we cannot even imagine the enormous wealth of literature about all the branches of knowledge that have been lost to us owing to religious fanatacism [sic]. How many thousands of irretrievable writings did monks and missionaries burn in South America in their blind religious zeal?"

(excerpt from "Chariots of the Gods?" by Erich Von Daniken, page 69, line 23, all rights reserved)

I think of these things, and despair, at the loss of knowledge. What if a cure for cancer, or the designs for a superior form of energy had been in one of those destroyed scrolls? What if some knowledge from higher up had been there, and had been lost, all because someone declared "These are against our God, and therefore are work of the Devil. We must purge them"? It sickens me.

Anyway, have a great Xmas, all who read this. I'll be trying.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


To quote Chief Stevenson from "Fear Nothing" by Dean Koontz... "I'm in a mood here...A seriously ugly mood..."

I can't get a job, my parents are getting pissed at me about it... I can't buy Xmas gifts (or if I do, they have to be CHEAP cuz I have to conserve what I have).. everyone in my family is judged on the number, relative value, and SIZE of the gifts... I can't get higher ed till I get a loan, which means get a job.. I'm being torn two ways by my parents about it( "Get FULL TIME" my dad says, cuz he hates me, and "Get PART TIME" by my mom, who wants me to go to school), my sister just tapped them for $8000 bucks for her schooling (which ended recently, in her success, but she NEVER INTENDS TO USE HER DEGREE.. so it's a wasted $8000 she'll never have to pay back...)

I'm burning with pent up rage for no apparent reason... can't sleep, don't have any good games to burn it off in (like Warrior Within, which is as close to a physical rage-fight I can get into and still walk out in one piece)...I can't find the proper gift for my friend, because they don't seem to carry it anymore (they did at one time but not now)... I am waiting for a particular response from someone I'm doing a collab fic with, before I can continue....

And I'm sure this is just the first section of what I'm really feeling, so it's Tip-O-Da-ICEBERG with me right now. If you think you know what's pissing me off, chances are, you only know 1% of it. Can't even comprehend the next 20%... and the rest? Yeah right. I'd be declared insane or worse.

I'm just gonna go fume for no reason right now.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

It's Xmas time...

And I'm not feeling to Xmas-y. I haven't been able to get a new job since I quit. (YES! I FINALLY QUIT! BWA HA HA!!), and I'm worried about my finances.

I couldn't get net hookup at home, so I'm using the old comp to come online...the new comp is my art and storage comp.

On the upside, I've finally finished Chapter 9 of BoF2... it's DONE... but it has to go through some minor revisions when I'm clearer in head. I'm also working on a nice smut fic, but I require a copy of my old 101-ways-to-kill-boredom-on-a-rainy-day fic that I deleted a while ago. Now I'm sure out there there's SOMEONE who illegally copied and saved my story, and stuff... I just want a copy of it BACK so I can make a rewrite. XP

I finally beat Metroid Prime, and got the Fusion suit, so I'm gonna go beat it again. XD playing as Fusion Samus. And for those who never played Metroid Prime or Prime 2: Echoes... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! GO RENT! BUY!... they're both well worth it. seriously. Especially Prime 2.

I also redid a sprite to be like Samus... it's Tigelei, but she's in Samus's powersuit.. XD it's a cute pic I won't post here. I'm working on making a Grav, Fusion, and Phazon suit for her as well as a few other costumes. It'll be sweet.