Friday, September 17, 2004

"The Stars are Not Quite Right yet..."

.. to paraphrase an HPL reference. At the moment I use my mother's computer, at her place. The cable company finally picked up speed (seems they were doing a total Node changeover/upgrade, and it killed my city entirely), and I have my comp at my new place.

In five days, I will be reconnected, and then, in the (slightly mutated) words of HPL "The Stars will be Right, and Kaleb shall be free to wreak havoc, smut, chaos, disorder, more smut, until he is sated." XD

I have a new appreciation for Cthulhu, and why he's insane and evil now. Being offlined for a week, disconnected from the people I care for... it's driven me quite mad, you see. And that was just a WEEK.

Cthulhu was cut off from everything but his own mind for 4.5 BILLION YEARS. Prolly went mad in the first week, and forgot why he was mad in the second, but stayed insane all the way until.. well, he's not quite RELEASED now is he?... otherwise I wouldn't be able to type this, as I'd be either eaten or perhaps rolling around completely ball-crushing, nose-twisting, tied-in-straightjacket, pumped-full-of-Thorazine insane. XD LoL...

Oh yeah, and I bought the first and third 'books' of the Titus Crow series. If I can only lay my hands on the central book...

As for my life, I moved out. I'm content, but not happy. for a few reasons:

1: I still work at my old workplace, which I hate more day by day. Today they installed 'units' on the walls. We think they're video cameras, so we spend our free time flipping the Bird, and throwing rotten fruit at them. And mouthing obscenities

2: My roomies are morons. In a house that has little food, my friend's GF turns to him and says "I get paid tomorrow right? Good. I'm gonna go buy clothes." I wanted to slap her so badly because we need FOOD and all she cares about is her goddamned appearance.

3: My bed is still empty. Yes, I sleep in it, but not the good sleep. My body rests, but my mind is restless beyond all measurable bounds. I need to sate my mind, and yes, my body. Alchohol does nothing but dull the mental pain. 'Solo' is not something I do. Besides, even if I did, it'd be empty, as there's no connection to anything. One-night stands mean nothing, because there's nothing to them. No emotional connection = no satisfaction from the Act, to me. Others disagree. But they don't have my mind.

4: I come home from work, not to a yelling father, a belligerent sister, and a depressed mother, but now to a screaming kid (theirs), an indifferent best friend, and his self-absorbed, overly-emotional, obsessive bitch. And to an empty bed, and the cold mind of an electronic game console, my only real company.

5: Net hookup is five days away.

6: I might have to move home for lack of money, as it seems to be rapidly draining from my accounts. I might last another month, maybe... if I turn frugal...

I will be at home for two days, and then a few more days of silence, and then I'll be returned to the net... where I seem to belong more than in the normal world.